Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell
Everybody says the blurb shouldn't go beyond Act One (if you consider the novel a three Act thing). That blurb would be in Act Two, leapfrogging Act One altogether.
Readers would then feel like Why am I reading Act One? I know she's going to be on the run with the baby so I'll just jump to it.
If my book started with Annie on the run with a baby that would be cool. But it doesn't.
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Well, hell, Gregg, maybe it should. Flashback to her getting the job, etc. It's sort of a double-reveal. She's on the run (grabber!) and we learn why, almost immediately, or at least, in sequence. She gets a great job (hooray!), the baby is sick (not so great) and the father is nuts/sinister (oh, baaaaaad....MORE grabber, in the book itself). You wouldn't even really have to change the book. You'd just change the
sequencing in the book.
Sorry...didn't mean to go here and create more work for you, but truth be told, Gregg,
you seem to be rather STUCK on giving your story away.
Quote:
The tension in my blurb is, Faced with this great pressure of the sick child and up against Monroe's power and influence, what will Annie do?
And of course from the title (Saving Baby) we know she's going to be saving the baby.
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Yes, that's what you keep
saying, except, Gregg, haven't you noticed that none of us are FEELING that tension???? You're
telling us that the tension is there--not
showing us, to use timeworn phrasing. That's the whole problem.
Yes, it's a description. But it's nearly as critical as the first 1300 words, in getting a reader to buy your book. Possibly more so, given that people see that, before they ever see the LITB. Thus far, other than that single sentence, "Seventeen-year-old Annie Rebarchek is on the run with a baby. The police are closing in on her," none of the blurbs yet that you've posted make me want to buy the book. Even if I try to think outside the types of books I want, it's simply not working. I think you need to start with that sentence, build in a
bit of the backstory--a
BIT, only what you absolutely MUST TELL--and no more. Stop giving away the store. The whole reason that people read suspense is: what happens next? How does the heroine outwit the bad guy(s)? What happened to her? They don't want to already know the first quaarter of the book, given away in your description.
Does all of this describe what happens
up to your 2nd Act? Does she go on the run
starting at the end of the first act? Is that when you have her inciting event?
If so, you've just told the reader what happens in your first ~15 chapters.
I've noticed this before. You get stuck on an idea, you ask people for assistance or help or ideas, and then you can't move off your original idea. All these posts, and we're still essentially discussing the SAME description. And we're discussing the same part of the description that we've all said we have issues with. If you can't get past using that paragraph, then use it. Great. But it's daft for all of us to keep trying to tell you that it's not working, if you're committed to using it. Therefore, if you solely want ideas for the first sentence, just say so.
(When I read "Saving Baby," honestly, I think of Patrick Swayze. :-)
Hitch