Quote:
Originally Posted by ApK
How do the other versions address these questions any differently?
In all cases all we know is that she a young girl with her first job as a nanny, concerned about the baby's health and no one will listen to her.
What does she want to do? Save the baby (or at least get someone to save the baby)
Why should anyone listen to her? Cuz it's usually expected that when someone, especially a caretaker like a sitter or nanny, reports an endangered child to a responsible adult, they listen.
ApK
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Except that this latest version doesn't indicate that no one else is taking the baby's illness seriously. The initial versions gave me a clearer idea that the baby was fussing and crying and everyone was just telling Annie don't worry, he's fine. In this one, we're getting the
fact that the baby IS sick, and Annie wants to do ... something, for some unknown reason. If you read this in isolation from all that's gone before, you don't know if the baby's at home, in a hospital, getting medical attention of some sort or not. Here Annie just wants to "help," which is nebulous--it could mean she wants to interfere with a legitimate medical treatment.
Earlier versions set it up more as Annie gradually becoming more and more concerned despite assurances from her employer--so first she has the hurdle of convincing herself, then she'll have the hurdle of convincing others. I would think the first hurdle would be a huge one. This latest blurb, she--and the potential reader--know immediately that the baby is sick so you lose the whole element of doubt.