ApK and Catlady, I agree that my offering could do with more flavour (but not too much more body).
I'd also suggest that I've gone for the obvious hook in the first paragraph and there may be better choices. If you look at the Baldacci book I linked earlier you will see that the opening hook they use is based on the peculiarity of the characters, which only indirectly alludes to what the story will be. Perhaps the opening hook for Gregg's book could be based on Houston Monroe instead of Nanny Annie, or maybe there's something else about the story that would work.
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