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Originally Posted by Catlady
Why would Annie need anything extra to be likeable? When I read a book, I automatically begin with the assumption that the protagonist is likeable/relatable. Why does she need some special reason to take the job? That's detail for the story itself; it just bogs down the blurb.
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Agreed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlady
Also, who cares what her father thinks? He wasn't important enough to make the cut in your initial blurb. Isn't it enough that a teenager is facing off against a powerful man? Of course anyone she confides in is going to tell her she's overreacting and exaggerating. Again, the specifics are for the book itself, not the blurb.
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I think readers want to know why she wouldn't go to a parent first. If it's just "anyone" won't believe her, then I'm wondering why her parents wouldln't believe her anyway. (BTW Annie's mother died so it's only the father.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlady
As a reader, what I want to know is the problem the protagonist has to deal with. I know that she's going to face obstacles and complications and dangers, because otherwise there wouldn't be a book. In the blurb, the details just sound confusing.
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But don't you want to know what she does, at least basically, to address the problem?
It seems some blurbs have a lot of questions. Like the two consecutive questions in your version that end the blurb. I don't know--some people like that kind of blurb and others want to know what the character does to deal with the problem, basically, tell me what to expect from this book.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlady
Hope you don't mind my saying this, but I think your versions are getting worse, not better, because of too many details being added.
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I've cut quite a few details in the new version. Hopefully it's better.
