Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell
Two new versions:
#1) Seventeen-year-old Annie Rebarchek’s stoked when she lands a nanny position working for billionaire Houston Monroe because it gives her breathing room from her overbearing father who insists she get a “big” summer job to enhance her applications to top colleges. But things at Monroe’s aren’t right. The baby’s crib has no toys or mobiles, and the baby is jaundiced, crying constantly, and when Annie tries to comfort it Monroe won’t let her.
Monroe tells her he’s only practicing ‘self-soothing’ child rearing, but Annie suspects something far more sinister is happening. She goes to her father, who tells her that “babies cry.” So she goes to the police and alerts the media, but Monroe has the corrupt police in his back pocket and the media intimidated. With the baby’s health fading fast, Annie takes matters into her own hands and fights to uncover the terrible secrets Monroe is keeping, and in the process she becomes entrapped in a web of lies, deception and evil that costs her her innocence and may cost her her life.
#2) Seventeen-year-old Annie Rebarchek’s stoked when she lands a nanny position working for billionaire Houston Monroe because it gives her breathing room from her overbearing father who insists she get a “big” summer job to enhance her applications to top colleges. But things at Monroe’s aren’t right. The baby’s crib has no toys or mobiles, and the baby is jaundiced, crying constantly, and when Annie tries to comfort it Monroe won’t let her.
When Monroe tells her he’s raising the baby according to ancient Egyptian child-rearing philosophies, Annie suspects something sinister is happening. She tells her father but he feels she’s exaggerating, so she goes to the police and alerts the media, but Monroe has the corrupt police in his back pocket and the media intimidated. With the baby’s health fading fast, Annie takes matters into her own hands and fights to uncover the terrible secrets Monroe is keeping, and in the process she becomes entrapped in a web of lies, deception and evil that costs her her innocence and may cost her her life.
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Yo:
I'll go with the first, but please take pity on us and fix the run-on sentences before you finalize it, thanks much. :-) Almost all of the sentences in which you see "and" occurring twice are run-ons. (I also prefer "thinks she's exaggerating" over "he tells her...," FWIW.)
Hitch