Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlady
I don't usually read this forum as I'm not a writer, but this thread caught my eye, as I love to read suspense and thrillers. So I'm sticking my oar in.
There's too much here. I'm thrown now by "ancient Egyptian child-rearing philosophies"--I'd immediately pass on this book because it sounds too out-there and weird. I'm baffled by the addition of information about Annie's being intimidated by authority--what teenager wouldn't be intimidated by a billionaire? I also don't like the addition of a promise to a dead mother--in your initial blurbs, Annie seemed to be motivated by her compassion for the child, but this gives her a different, less compelling motive. My impression of the character is less favorable in this current blurb than in the earlier ones.
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Agreed. Some people liked the ancient Egyptian thing but I think most won't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catlady
Some things I would like to know right off the bat: Is Annie a live-in helper? What kind of household is it? Who else is around (baby's mother?)? I'd like to know generally how isolated Annie is. I'm thinking it sounds like one of the classic gothicky setups where the innocent young woman comes to a sinister house as a governess and risks all to save the child. If it's NOT that, I'd like the blurb to point me in another direction (horror? supernatural?) so I'd have some idea what to expect.
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To answer your questions. The nanny position is a day-job. The household is upscale, high-tech and the billionaire has a shadowy Dr. Hakim as supposedly an advisor as to the baby's upbringing. The mother is not around at all. A woman is paid to pretend to be the mother (but she's supposedly gone to seed and lives in another town). Monroe (the billionaire) raises the baby alone. I don't know how isolated Annie is. She a normal 17-yr-old H.S. junior. Happy. Lots of friends. She feels the job with a person as high profile as Monroe will look good on her applications to colleges.
The story is set in contemporary Phoenix, Arizona. It's not gothic but it is kind of terrible in the billionaire is conducting eugenics experiments on this baby. (But that doesn't come out in the story for quite a while.)
The story is not horror or supernatural. It's just a 17 year-old girl who is excited to get a summer job but then deeply distressed by what she finds (and continues to find as the story progresses).
I was thinking of adding "eccentric billionaire" to the mention in the first paragraph, but then that would diminish Annie's being stoked for getting the job.
I also at one point started it with:
High-schooler Annie Rebarchek...
I'll add the latest version of the blurb at the end of this thread. Thanks. Appreciate the help.