Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnGirdharry
Hello Gregg Bell,
Coming at this fresh and without wanting to pick over the passages you're already considering, how about being more direct and less 'leading'?
Something like -
Seventeen year old Annie xx lands the summer job of her dreams. She didn't bargain that inside millionaire xx's mansion, she'd discover disturbing signs of child (or baby?) neglect. Or is it worse than that? Mr Nastyxxx (the billionaire) is either in denial or he's a manipulative and accomplished liar (is he like this in the book?). Annie must pitch herself against him and find a way to get to the truth.
Best of luck with it,
Ann Girdharry
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Hi Ann. Thanks so much. I like your version. I've (hopefully) incorporated some of your version's suspensefulness into my latest.