Thread: Suspense blurb feedback?
View Single Post
Old 10-02-2015, 09:25 AM   #30
pendragginp
Guru
pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pendragginp ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
pendragginp's Avatar
 
Posts: 985
Karma: 4567263
Join Date: May 2009
Location: The End Of The Earth
Device: Several
That's at least better, IMO. And doesn't refer to the baby as 'it', which really stood out to me. =/ Were you doing that on purpose?
pendragginp is offline   Reply With Quote