I always go with the descriptions at the start of one of James Bibby's books
“Epic…” – 700 pages of turgid dross.
“Meticulously crafted…” – written very, very slowly with a large quill pen.
“Confrontational…” – lots of swearing.
“…hard-hitting” – the author gets violent when drunk.
“…a writer unafraid to push back the boundaries of language…” – he can’t spell, and as for his punctuation…
“Scholarly…”- desperately, mind-numbingly dull.
“Still available from good bookshops everywhere.” - no-one’s bought it.
“A remarkable step forward in publishing…” – we’ve dropped a right bollock with this one!
“Critically acclaimed…” – there goes our Christmas bonus.
“…this eagerly awaited second volume…” – of a two-book contract. We’ve been waiting to get rid of the untalented little get!
“You won’t be disappointed…” – unless you buy the book, that is.
BTW, if you like Pratchett it's worth giving his books a try