[gmw]

Originally Posted by David910

Thanks for putting so much thought into helping me out with the novella. I wish you all the best. - David

Those writers that participate here on "Writers' Corner" cover a wide range of genres. Our intersection of interest is the trials and tribulations of writing and independent publishing - not necessarily the content.

When someone does go so far as to provide feedback on content we try not to react unreasonably, especially when they're right. Yes, I did take a quick look at your preview, more in response to your discussion with meeera than as a result of your challenge. And meera is right. There are still too many errors, and I do mean errors.

There several blatant things (eg: "all my friend", ", so violent, that"), and the perhaps less blatant but still real problem of the paragraph structure: it seems random, makes the text very dense, and detracts from the flow of the story. (And don't tell me it's style or stream-of-consciousness, those concepts do not let you abdicate your responsibility for clarity.) These thoughts from a quick scan of the preview rather than a detailed review.

I don't see anything that unusual or unconventional in the story telling itself. My own reaction (opinion) is that it didn't sound like a 10yo boy, or not consistently (first person can be tricky to get right).