oh, my god - that's terrible
when my mom stopped being able to take care of herself, we weren't happy with the caregivers we found, so we checked out a lot of elderly care homes - which are not nursing homes - and found one she really loved. they took much better care of her than we could have, and my mom made friends while she was there and got involved with some social events, to my surprise. i still dropped in every day to make sure things were going okay, but not all homes are bad places.
here in l.a. the social workers we tried to work with didn't prove to be much help, but it can't hurt to ask for advice or guidance... and then double check everything.
best of luck with your family!