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Oh thanks Folks!
I really wasn’t expecting such thoughtful criticism, that’s’ excellent.
I take on board the criticisms of it being “too much” amd probably not very realistic when considered as a woman adulteress etc ect. I think that all needs to be polished.
I guess the one criticism I do have issue with is Snappy’s :
“The line "They got subpoenas from wimax providers, google, yahoo, ISPs. " was to me abit awkward. "Wimax providers" and "ISPs" are generic terms for any service providers while google ad yahoo are specific service providers, and even "Wimax providers" itself is a specific type of "ISP". The 'sudden' mix of these two groups made it feel awkward and unnatural.”
The idea is that in the very near future in which the story is set these terms are in a much more natural and common use. The way I tried to extress this I agree doesn’t quite get it but that was the intention rather than a “technical oversight”
Thank you again for your really helpful response, I think Ill defo have a go at improving it
Mat
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