[Greg Anos]

I met the Queen in a private room, with VR along with me. I carefully opened the bag, and handed the Queen the Golden Corpolite.
"I have returned what is rightfully yours, Your Majesty."
She slowly turned it over and over in her hands.
Finally she said, "Yes, this is the real Golden Corpolite. There are certain unique markers that I don't think Ralph van Wau Wau would have thought to forge."
"Which ones?" asked VR. I gave him a quick nudge with my shoe.
She looked down. "Those are only to be known by the royalty of Pinwheel."
She then looked at me. "Both of you have acquitted yourselves well in My Service on behalf of Pinwheel. How shall I reward you?"
"I like the term acquitted, Your Majesty. It describes the matter very well. I never could figger out why he was out to get both Your Majesty and myself. Oh, he wanted the money, no doubt, but there was more that money behind this. What could have caused the simmering rage behind this whole crime. There were easier ways to have gotten the Golden Coprolite back, but I had to know why.
Well, right there at the end, he told me. The gift of the female French Poodle you had given him, at his request, had been spayed. I had gotten a Knighthood and a medal, and he had been cheated, as he saw it. A being with his brains and ego just couldn't tolerate being cheated. He was going to get his back, with interest.
But who cheated him? I had nothing to do with it, and I know Your Majesty would not have...ahem... short changed him with Her gift. So who? It had to be somebody who had a reason and opportunity to cheat Ralph. Somebody who acted as a go-between Your Wishes and Ralph's reward. Somebody who was jealose of Ralph's claim to Your affections. I called Your Senschal about who actually picked the Poodle in question."
I looked down at the shivering little doggie. "Better cop a plea, VR."
"Is this true?"
"Yes, Your Majesty," said VR in a broken voice. "I, I wanted to be your favorite dog. I couldn't compete with that smart, handsome, hero dog. I, I just wanted to get back at him, somehow. I never thought it would lead to this. That's why I took the intellegence assignment in the US. I was afraid I'd be found out. All I wanted was to sit in your lap and be scratched behind my ears. Now, I'm facing the gas chamber for treason."
He broke down.
"What would you have me do, Sir Sir Ralph Sir Edward?'
"Pardon him, Your Majesty. He acquitted himself in battle, without his courage I wouldn't be here, and the Kingdom would have lost it's wereguild. Let this be a State Secret."
The Queen thought. "No, I cannot have such a State Secret. Let it be part of your record. However. Rise, VivaldiRules. We have been touched by your courage and devotion. You are pardoned of your crime. Furthermore, you are now required to journey once a year, as long as you are able to travel, to spend one week a year as my personal companion, complete with scratching."
VR flattened to his belly. (His equivalent of kneeling.)
"Arise, VivaldiRules. And now please leave Us with Sir Sir Ralph Sir Edward."
After VR had left the chamber and I closed the door.
"D--nit, Red, why won't you say yes?"
"Zelda, I can't be anybody's fancy man, not even yours."
"Pfff, it's not hard. Just look down you nose at the snobs, and be friendly with everybody else."
"I won't be your Prince Consort."
"You won't even come see me unless there's a crisis. Then you get to have all the fun. And I have to pay for it! It's just not fair! This time you'll pay for your fun. To get your money, you'll have to write up this case for ME. No case notes, no money." She grinned wickedly.
Great. More paperwork. I hate paperwork.
"What about the fake coprolite?" Two could play the change subject game.
"Keep one of the nodules for yourself, since you refuse to be co-operative. I already started quiet government-to-government talks with Austrailia, about commercializing the process. I hope to sell them as authorized reproductions in limited quanities, with a 50/50 split to each government. We'll see. Governments alway need money. To pay for beasts like you."
That was probably the best way the cards could be played now.
"I hear you still have several rounds left in that silencered .22 of yours."
"And if I do?"
"I have a very private target range near here. Maybe we could practice some ... marksmanship."
"I think I could spend some time here. We could go to the range, and squeezed off a few rounds..."
"You're sure you're up to it?"
"I'm alway in the Service of Her Majesty...."


EPILOG

After I finally got back from Pinwheel. I tacked BadGoodDeb's postcard on the bulletin on the waiting room and sent Mindy on her 2 week vacation to the Big Island. I used the time to have a pendant carved out of the fake coprolite nodule.
I greeted Mindy when she came back in. "Enjoy your vacation, Mindy?"
"About time I got some fringe benefits working here." she said, as Mrs. Slocum head-bumped her.
"Speakin' of fringe benefits, there's a box on your desk. a memento of the case. I've got a private conference call, so if you'll take over the show, I'll get to it."
I went into my office. And slid straight out the window and down the fire escape. I figger I have about 35 seconds to get around the corner, before she opens the box and comes stormin' into my office and looks out the window, ready to fry me.
It's a fine piece of carving. Real pretty. 'Course, it's carved in the shape of a fire hydrant...