[Greg Anos]

GeoffC led me to the research office, where all the papers were, and a half a dozen pre-production samples of fake coprolite, weighing about kilo each. I pocketed three of them for later analysis by Pinwheel. Ralph was offically "still in conference", undoubtably discussing with Old Nick his accomadations and pecking order. I called BadGoodDeb to come in with one of the pouches while I was waiting for the bureaucrats to show up. She gathered up the shootin' irons and the three coprolites and headed out.
"Remember Deb, I don't want any of these coprolites to sprout legs. I'll see about gettin' you something made after this mess is over, but 'til then, hands off."
"You're no fun." And she stuck out her tongue. "You're sure you want to meet all those soldiers naked?"
"Yep. If I have any hardware, it'll just make 'em trigger happy. I'll have to talk 'em down, anyway."
"Good luck, Boss."
"Now git, before they get around to showin' up."

It took the wheels of injustice about 4 hours to arrive at the front door. Not bad for 12 levels of three different bureaucracies. About 5 PM 6 truckload of soldiers showed up, accompanied by a SWAT team (apparently from Perth), led by a senior asistant flunky from the Austrailian diplomatic corp, assisted by an Army Major. I'll bet the receptionist had a good time with her "Welcome to Montsnmags" rountine.
The brass made to the room where Ralph was "in conference".
A loud voice yelled, "Come out with your hands up!"
I responded. "We don't all have hands in here."
That seemed to be a poser.
"Besided, this here is the temporary portable ice cream stand/embassy for the nation of Pinwheel. We're accepting fully credentialed diplomatic personnel, and we'll even stretch a point and tolerate a few military personnel as guards. IS THERE A DIPLOMAT IN THE HOUSE?"
A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door.
"Please identify yourself," I said.
"I am Fredrick Jones, Assistant Permanent Undersecretary for the Nation of Pinwheel. May I enter the Embassy?"
"Come in if you're friendly. The door's not locked."
Fred came in with the Army Major and what I took to be the head of the SWAT team. He sorta turn green with Ralph's body lyin' there in the middle of the floor.
"Fred, can you have the SWAT boys bring in a bag for Ralph?" I looked at the other two. "Don't worry, the shootin, all over. But Pinwheel will need your assistance in a little while."
The SWAT head started talking softly on his phone.
When he got done. I started talking.
"Guys, everythin' going on here is a state secret for both nations. Or what you military types call Highly Classified. If you can't or won't keep your mouth shut, please leave now. Fred here is the decision maker as to who talks and how much. Roger?"
Fred nodded and look at his companions. "Despite his uncouth manner of speech." Uncouth indeed. He'll pay for that crack! "Sir Sir Ralph Sir Edward is correct. This is involving the highest level Diplomatic relations between countries. Everything that has happened, and will happen, will offically never have occurred. Do I make myself clear?"
The Army major and the SWAT chief agreed, but the SWAT chief didn't look too happy about it. Fred said, "I'll personally talk to your mayor and Chief of Police." That seemed to perk him right up.
The body bag showed up with a couple of people and they bagged up Ralph.
"Adios, compadre." I said softly. "May the Lord have mercy on your soul."
After they left, I pointed to the Golden Coprolite on the stand, in the other room. "That's what the hoorah is all about."
Fred kinda googled. "That's the Golden Coprolite! What's it doing here?"
"The late doggie y'all just hauled out of here had it stolen. Don't go over there, it's highly booby-trapped."
"How do you know?" said the SWAT chief.
"I have the late doggie's word on it. I wouldn't want to bet against it. Besides, I think it's a fake."
Fred said, "You can tell at this distance?"
"Well, I knew the doggie, and it would be just like him to booby-trap a fake. Ralph had a sense of humor." I looked at the other two. "Yes, the deceased was the famous talking dog, Ralph von Wau Wau. The whole deal was about making and marketing fake golden coprolite as the Real McCoy. Let's go over to the research office, where there are samples and all the workin' notes."
They looked over the notes and the samples. "Fred," I said,"why don't you place some guards over this stuff, until you can move it to a safer place. Besides, Pinwheel and Australia need to sort out what to do about the process. And that's beyond both our pay grades."
Fred nodded. "You're right." And had the major put some soldiers around the room.
"Where do you think the real Coprolite is?" Fred asked.
"Where do doggies bury their bones? In the back yard, of course. That's why I asked for metal detectors. I need to have the couple of hundred meters behind this building swept for big metal masses. Check for location and type of metal. But don't, repeat don't, dig up anything without my say-so. I expect some more booby traps. Now Fred, I need to give VR here a bath, and we both need a bite to eat and some sleep. We're gonna go back to the embassy's 18 wheeler and rack out. See ya in the mornin'. Come on, VR."
The next mornin' we all showed up, and the major had a chart of big masses. 6 showed iron, 3 showed gold, and one was aluminum.
"Yeah, the mine sweeper was certain it was a beer keg." the Army major said.
"Well, the beer keg's got to be it."
"How do you figure that."
"The hide-out had to be easily identified by the crook, with minimal time and minimal equipment. But at the same time, not obviously what somebody would think of as the loot. A beer keg would be perfect. Big enough for the golden coprolite, and a survival kit, and who would suspect a old beer keg?"
So they dug up the beer keg, which had a harness and skids on it. I did the honors of opening it. It didn't go bang.
And inside it was the Golden Coprolite, and a survival kit.

"Fred," I said, as I turn to the diplomat and bowed, "This is the rightful property of the Kingdom of Pinwheel. I am now taking it, as personal agent of Her Majesty, Queen of Pinwheel, to return it to it's rightful owner. On behalf of the Commonwealth of Australia, do you object?"
Fred bowed just as formally, "On Behalf of the Commonwealth of Australia, I recognize your claim and approve your taking the Golden Coprolite for return to the Kingdom of Pinwheel, the rightful owner."
"All right BadGoodDeb, call Pshrynk to warm up the jet, we're goin' back to Pinwheel."

And we did.