|
I've learned to take these sort of shocks in stride, ever since I got mooned by a nurse while I was in ICU once. So I put on my most suave and debonair attitude, and asked,
"May we see Ralph von Wau Wau."
"Do you have an appointment?"
"I'm afraid not."
"He usually doesn't see people without an appointment."
"If you'll inform him that we're here, I believe he'll make an exception in this case."
"Whom shall I announce?"
"Ralph SIr Edward and VivaldiRules."
She put on the hush and spoke to someone. She hung up and smiled.
"He can see you in 15 minutes. Would you care to have a seat while you wait. Perhaps a cup of coffee?"
I sat down. "Nothing to drink, thank you."
Obviously Ralph was keeping Army time. Hurry up and wait. The better to make us nervous, my pretty...
Finally a Scotman came in. He was wearin' a kilt anyways.
"Ralph Sir Edward? I'm GeoffC."
"Pleased to meet 'cha. This is my sidekick, VR."
"Hello, VR."
VR continued to look dumb, per agreement. Maybe Ralph didn't know that VR talked. Never show your cards unless you have to.
"If you'll follow me, please."
He led us down several hallways, and held open door into a large, empty room.
We went in, and GeoffC started to frisk me. I did the classic yank and flip, leaving GeoffC flat on his back with the wind knocked out of him. A voice over the intercom said. "Now that wasn't very nice, Herr Edward."
"Never trust a Scotsman wearin' a kilt feelin' behind you."
"Perhaps you have a point. If you would be so kind as to slide your .22 over towards a corner." I pulled out my hogleg and slid it off to one side. VR sort'a toddled off to the other side.
"Good. Now what do I have the honor of your presence? You never were the 'go see the old buddies' type."
"First, I've disarmed. How 'bout sending you human out of the room. He wasn't part of our 'old times'."
"You could frisk him."
"I don't think I want to frisk a Scotsman in a kilt."
"Another good point. He might return the flip. Geoff, wait outside. I should be able to handle this Texas gentleman without you're assistance."
"Fine, Sir." he got to his feet and left through the door we came in.
"All right Red, let's talk. You pick the topic."
"Dung."
"Dung?"
"Particularly rock-hard glittery dung?'
"Oh Ho." Ralph chortled. "You mean this dung?"
Part of the wall in front of me suddenly folded away like a pair of big double doors. In the next room was what looked like the Golden Coprolite, sitting on a pedestal, with a spotlight on it.
|