Quote:
Originally Posted by RWood
Where's the employee manual? What are the benefits? Medical? Dental? Vacation? Coffee breaks?
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Ah, here it is. Let me read some of it:
Congratulations on your purchase of a new Employee. This model Employee has been specifically designed to provide you with many benefits:
- The employee is specially DNA coded to you. As well as providing security against theft, revolution or transfer, it provides you with a wide range of organs exactly matched should you need a transplant.
- The Employee is provided with a voice input with which you may give it instructions. For optimal performance it is recommended that you shout in an agressive tone when issuing orders.
- The Employee Barista model includes additional functionality for provision of the perfect caffine beverages.
- All new Employee Models include the new "Vacationless" operation mode -- never again will you left without your Employee at a critical juncture due to an inconvenient holiday. Standard legal contract updates to this effect are included in your Employee Pack.
- Reduced Total Cost of Ownership. The enhanced Contracts pack guarantee up to a 50% reduction in TCO over previous models thanks to the newly developed "Healthcare Elimination" and "High Density" operation modes.
- The materials from which the Employee is constructed from are such that, in an emergency, if can provide sustance for a lenghty period (though this will void the warranty).
Although the Employee is provided with basic training, it may be necessary to provide additional programming. To that end, a baseball bat and electric cattle prod are included in your Employee pack.