[Greg Anos]

So I was back at my desk, throwin' darts at FDR, waiting for BadGoodDeb's legwork. Once I take a case and load up the .22 with serious ammo, I don't use it for practice till the case's over.
The phone rang.
"Hello, Boss."
"Howdy, BadGoodDeb. Is this a report call or a bailout call?"
"A report call, Boss."
"Let me flip on the record botton.. OK, let 'er rip!" I dont waste time on paper reports from the field. Mindy types 'em for the record. And complains about it. Even though I made perfectly clear that transcribing was part of the job up front. Back when Dudley was doing the job, I never got a beef.
"Per you orders, I didn't kill anybody, although I was tempted several times.There was a body involved though. One of the queen's bathroom attendants was found dead on the job, apparently of a heart attack."
"Was she carrin' the football?" I interrupted.
"Yes, she did while the queen bathed. Her Majesty didn't like soldiers around watching when she was all wet, without any make-up. I don't blame her."
"Autopsy?"
"No sign of struggle, no puncture wounds. Toxicology show poison, and something called DMSO."
"DMSO is a banned skin solvent used back in the 1950's and '60's. Caused cancer in lawyers. It was used in the old days 'cause it would allow the uptake of other chemicals through the skin. That way, you could dope up a football player without running the risk of an infection. D--ned tricky to use for poisoning, you might poison yourself."
"Right, Boss. That's why when Her Majesty got done, she used the time-key to check on the "item". She must have mentally pieced the two together."
"Probably. This Queen is not stupid. Even if she has some idiots in the laundry. Did the deceased have any friends who turned up missin'?"
"Well, sort of. A friend of hers was a lady pilot, in and out of the country all the time. She was the pilot of a private LearJet and flew out that morning."
"Let me guess. Flight plan with 4 stops end in OZ, leaving about 45 minutes after the queen started bathing."
"Boss, you're more that just an ugly face. The flight plan read - Pinwheel to Ankara, Ankara to Mumbai, Mumbai to Singapore, and Singapore to Darwin."
"Now for the sixty-four thousand dollar question, just who was on the flight."
"The pilot and a blind Scotsman with a chocolate football trophy."
"A blind Scotsman?"
"Well, boss. He was wearing a sporran and a kilt, wearing dark glasses, and being led by a seeing-eye dog. Everybody figured that he was a blind Scotsman."
I re-squallowed my heart. "Was the seeing-eye dog a German Sheperd, and did it get on the plane?"
"I guess it was, Boss. It did get on the plane. Why?"
"Let's just say this case this case got very interesting, all of a sudden. Here are some explicit orders, please follow them to the letter. Go back to the palace, and see the Poo-Bah. Have him take you to a secure Fax. Call me then. I'm going to fax you three pictures, front, back, and side. Put a cover on the Fax so nobody else can see them. If the Poo-Bah start asking questions, give him to me. Take the pictures with you to the airport and see if anybody matched the pictures to the seeing-eye dog. The dog'll probably have a few gray hairs around the muzzle not on the picture. When you are done questioning, personally burn, and I do mean burn, the faxes and grind up the ashes. Then haul A-- out of Pinwheel and lose yourself in a big city, pronto. Call me then. Hop means a positive id. Lilypad means a negative id. And if it's hop. you may have to play John Wayne at Normandy to get out. Don't worry about the body count then."
"Oooooh. I hope it's hop."
"You're a blood-thirsty wench, BadGoodDeb."
"Boss, you say the sweetest things."
"So scram."
"Scramming."