I would say what makes something milSF is that it is based on military service and military institutions. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot else to it.
A lot of the time it's pretty backwards-looking, being retellings of historical campaigns (Hammer's Slammers, Empire of Man) or being heavily based on a particular historical period (like the 18th-19th century navy, in Honor Harrington and in David Feintuch's Seafort Saga).
I don't really mind that - I'm quite happy to read Sharpe and Hornblower, too - but the books that actually try to say something about the future of war, or the role of war in the future seem less common. I guess Starship Troopers is one.
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