I tried one several years ago and I hated it. I loved a real scathing review of it though! The review was far more memorable than the novel... let me see if I can find it again.
"My best friend and co-worker is a Paramedic. He reads alot of books. Or rather that is he did before reading Valhalla Rising by Clive Cussler.
Wisely, my friend would fill his idle hours with reading books of varying quality. It usually took him three days to finish a decent sized novel. Often based on his assessment I would decide whether a novel was worth my time or not.
Not so with Valhalla Rising, on day one of him reading this book. He became quiet and withdrawn. Many times I would see him finish a chapter only to see him stare off into space, pale with an expression on his face like he'd just been slapped.
On day two the mumbling began. Walking past him I would catch snatches of phrases "Nemo's sub", "teleporting briefcase" ect. His eating habits became irregular. Oddly, I also noticed he began to carry around a long handled wooden kitchen spoon in his duffel bag.
On day three and completion of the novel he stood up and screamed "How can the author (Clive Cussler) write himself into a piece of his own fiction as a character?!?" "How dare he!" Just then he hurled Valhalla Rising into the garbage can. Ran to his duffel bag and retrieved the long handled wooden spoon. Right then and there he sat cross-legged on the floor and began rocking back and forth hitting himself in the head with the wooden spoon over and over shouting "Oatmeal Spoon!"
Is there a link between the Oatmeal Spoon and Mr. Cussler's poorly written piece of fiction? I cannot say. However, I know in my heart it is Valhalla Rising that destroyed my friends higher brain functions just as surely as I know the sun shall rise tomorrow. In other words, avoid this book!"
-- Christian J. Graham (
http://www.amazon.com/review/R1NBH6V..._res_rtr_alt_1)
