[Stitchawl]

This has been around for quite some time but I thought it might get a laugh
> again from someone
> .Hollywood Squares:
>
> These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood
> Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are
> now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
>
> Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
> A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
> (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of
> the show!)
>
> Q . Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
> woman?
> A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
> think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
> married?
> A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
>
> Q.In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
> while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
> you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
> Q.Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q..Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
> any during the first year?
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps..
> One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
> do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
> habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
> what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
>
> Q.Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
> actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
>
> WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP
> LAUGHING


Stitchawl