[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I think so too. But unfortunately, in Japanese culture, a man can not advance though his company unless he is married. Although an unwritten rule, it is still an important one. This is one reason why 'arranged marriages' still account for more than 30% of all Japanese families. In fact, my niece-in-law just married this way. She put her name in with a marriage broker as she was 29 yrs old and still single. Too old for the traditional dating game in Japan. She married a very nice 30yr old man who also placed himself in the hands of a marriage broker.

So THAT could be the reason why I'm so easily finding so many marriage/dating sites that only seem to be targeted at the Japanese market. It's easier to find those than to find tulips in the Netherlands.... especially a lot of 30-ish men that desperately seem to want to marry anyone ASAP but without leaving Japan, and a lot of 30-ish women who, according to you, are out of the 'normal' loop over there already, and very often want to leave Japan.

Yes, and no... Japanese men still put in 60-70 hour weeks as the norm. They just don't get paid for the overtime. Karoshi still exists, and you hear about it regularly in the news, usually when a family is trying to sue the company. But the problem is, again culturally, that the man feels obligated to put in those hours so his company can prosper. If given a 5-day vacation, he will usually only take 3 days then go back to work because he really wants his company to get ahead and feels a devotion to it that we in the West will never understand. It's his 'duty' to be there for the company.

I would do such things only if it was MY OWN company. Working hard is one thing. Working 50-75% overtime for 'the company' without pay is nuts. IMHO, of course.

Me too. That's one of the reasons I was so attracted to my wife. She doesn't like the traditional model either, and so our family life is quite well balanced. We discuss as much as possible, yet will both make unilateral decisions when needed, and have them supported by the other as being justified. It's a nice blend of East and West. There ARE women who are not cultural extremists.

Happy you. But indeed, I do see a lot of 25-35-ish Japanese women on those dating sites who are probably expected to stop working when they get married to do the proper thing, and they don't want to do it that way.

They don't say it that bluntly, but they use sentences such as:

"I have studied X and would like to continue to improve in my work by learning the customs of your country."
"I have worked at... for X years, and would like to help provide good finances for our family, while you support me in learning your language..."
"After working for X years in Japan, I am now looking for a new international challenge in another field..."

Those are, to me, sentences expressing that these 25-35 year old women are not happy being at home all the time, and having a husband they rarely see. It seems they do want to marry/have a relationship but still want to work on their own and have a bit of their own life, and are even willing to leave their country for it.

My very unprofessional conclusion: it seems Japan needs a cultural shift in the working place, or they will end up with overworked (or dead) men and no women.