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ProfCrash · 06-11-2014, 07:38 AM

Bummer Peter.

Here is how I will end my participation in the man woman discussion. When we got married, we set up a family account and two personal accounts. Each month we get a certain amount of money deposited into our accounts. We can spend our allowance how we wnat without consulting each other. We tease each other about what we buy (seriously, a vibrating race car chair complete with gear shifting for video games?) but that is it.

We consult each other on major purchases. It has only been five years but we have yet to have a major blow up over money or similar issues.

We are both grown adults who are pretty smart. He handles paying the bills because he is more organized then I am. We do need to sit down and look over our spending and actually develop a budget because we have not been the best with that. We save a good amount but would like to save more and that requires budgeting.

Dating should help you find someone who solves problems in a way that is complimentary to your own method. If you are not finding that person, move on. Cool. But if you are making generic statements like "All women from country X are trained to be manipulative" or "All men are X" then more likely hen not the problem you are having finding the right person is with you. Stereotypes exist for a reason, large swathes of people fit, or used to fit, into them. Not when you fall prey to them you are screwed. People are people and should be treated as such.

Personally, I could not see myself doing well in Japan. I have read a fair amount about the attitude towards women and the trouble women have staying in the work force and choosing their own lives ahead of marriage and a family. I have read about the Manga and some of the more obscene reading that denegrates women. Overall, I don't like the more hidden attitudes toward women that I have read and heard about. All of the Japanese Men I have met have been kind and polite but I struggle with the idea that Japan is so crowded that proper manners are required to function and that everyone behaves like that one the surface.

Stitch's story about his neice entering into an arranged marriage because she was 30 and the same for the man she married is just flat out wrong. Who cares? I didn't get married until I was 38 and that was fine. I can't see marrying someone I don't know because society demands it and if I want to be promoted at work I have to be married.

I can't see being a stay at home Mom, I know me and my personality. I would go nuts. I was actually thrilled when I returned to work after three months of staying home. I love my son but I love the interaction I get at work and the challenges it brings. I love the pay check and what it allows us to do. I know he is in a great preschool and learning and thriving. I know that he spends 3 hours with his Dad in the morning and 4 hours with me in the afternoon. It works for us. Don't tell me that I need to stay at home and control all the finances. Just no. nononononononononononono

Treat people as people and find someone who is a good match for you.

06-11-2014, 07:38 AM	#24174
ProfCrash Tea Enthusiast Posts: 8,554 Karma: 75384937 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Somewhere in the USA Device: Kindle1, Kindle DX Graphite, K3 3G, IPad 3, PW2	Bummer Peter. Here is how I will end my participation in the man woman discussion. When we got married, we set up a family account and two personal accounts. Each month we get a certain amount of money deposited into our accounts. We can spend our allowance how we wnat without consulting each other. We tease each other about what we buy (seriously, a vibrating race car chair complete with gear shifting for video games?) but that is it. We consult each other on major purchases. It has only been five years but we have yet to have a major blow up over money or similar issues. We are both grown adults who are pretty smart. He handles paying the bills because he is more organized then I am. We do need to sit down and look over our spending and actually develop a budget because we have not been the best with that. We save a good amount but would like to save more and that requires budgeting. Dating should help you find someone who solves problems in a way that is complimentary to your own method. If you are not finding that person, move on. Cool. But if you are making generic statements like "All women from country X are trained to be manipulative" or "All men are X" then more likely hen not the problem you are having finding the right person is with you. Stereotypes exist for a reason, large swathes of people fit, or used to fit, into them. Not when you fall prey to them you are screwed. People are people and should be treated as such. Personally, I could not see myself doing well in Japan. I have read a fair amount about the attitude towards women and the trouble women have staying in the work force and choosing their own lives ahead of marriage and a family. I have read about the Manga and some of the more obscene reading that denegrates women. Overall, I don't like the more hidden attitudes toward women that I have read and heard about. All of the Japanese Men I have met have been kind and polite but I struggle with the idea that Japan is so crowded that proper manners are required to function and that everyone behaves like that one the surface. Stitch's story about his neice entering into an arranged marriage because she was 30 and the same for the man she married is just flat out wrong. Who cares? I didn't get married until I was 38 and that was fine. I can't see marrying someone I don't know because society demands it and if I want to be promoted at work I have to be married. I can't see being a stay at home Mom, I know me and my personality. I would go nuts. I was actually thrilled when I returned to work after three months of staying home. I love my son but I love the interaction I get at work and the challenges it brings. I love the pay check and what it allows us to do. I know he is in a great preschool and learning and thriving. I know that he spends 3 hours with his Dad in the morning and 4 hours with me in the afternoon. It works for us. Don't tell me that I need to stay at home and control all the finances. Just no. nononononononononononono Treat people as people and find someone who is a good match for you.