Quote:
Originally Posted by Salgueiros
I think people mistake politeness and gracefulness for deference. Not the same. In the younger generations at least.
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Maybe that's it. If an issue we disagreed about needed to be discussed the two Japanese girlfriends did so gracefully by providing solid arguments for their viewpoints. All the Dutch girlfriends (apart from one, on good days, three in total) disagreed by throwing temper tantrums after I failed to see the single reason of "because I want it like that."
I can tell you that the former is *MUCH* more likely to make me change my own viewpoint.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl
You're doing better than most Japanese men! In the average Japanese family, the wife handles ALL of the financial decisions, makes unilateral decisions about anything affecting living arrangements, family, children, schooling, buying a new car, new washing machine, travel, vacations, etc., etc. His job is just to work six and a half days a week, leaving the house at 7am and getting back around 10pm, his salary gets direct-deposited in the bank, and his wife doles out a daily allowance to him.
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In short: the man is only there to bring in money for something like 40 years and shut up regarding all domestic decisions. I think that's quite a bleak life. If it would have to be like that, I'd rather stay single like... forever.
It was like that in the Netherlands as well up to around the late 60's by the way, but it has been changing. Now it's not only expected (and often, even necessary...) that women work too, they actually want and demand it. ("Why should I study for 3-6 years, and then not do anything with it?") If the woman works too, a portion of the household gets divided up. Most of the time, the men over here have a say and lend a hand in the household (at least, the more progressive ones) and I think that's a good thing.
Regarding the extreme working hours, hasn't this been changing in Japan since the 80's? I've read that legislation has been passed, stating the 40-hour work week to be standard, with heavy restrictions on overwork. It seems the work-related death rate (karoshi) became a catastrophe back then.
To be honest, I am not clear on current standings regarding these issues. A Japanese woman expecting or wanting to do the entire household by herself, might be very unhappy with me, either in the Netherlands or Japan (I'd still like to know about every decision and the reason for making it, even while fully delegating it to some else), and I would be very unhappy with 78 hour work weeks living on an allowance like a kid. That just wouldn't do.
Actually, this issue is the very main reason which keeps me in the Netherlands at the moment (and off of cross-continental dating sites).