Quote:
Originally Posted by arjaybe
"The Mate worried that the Geologist would have no face."
I know that she's worried about the geologist's lack of a face and how that would affect the mission, but this sentence also might imply that she was worried that it might have lost its face in the incident. It's the "would have." As if she was about to discover whether it did. Maybe something like:
The Mate worried that the Geologist had no face.
I like the exclamation point too. It's not hard to see why it's there.
Jim
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I had also added a single word sentence, 'Faceless.', to the paragraph where she opens the pod, so I hope that any confusion is resolved quickly enough for it to be adding tension rather than frustration.
I don't think that she's sure until she opens the box what this model's face looks like. But I'll mull that overnight.
Funnily enough, 'had no face' is what I originally dreamed up. It's a tricky one. 'Would have' gives the sentence forward movement, it sets up an expectation that needs to be resolved. 'Had no' is more emphatic. It's a statement and doesn't push the reader on to the next paragraph.
Graham