Thread: MobileRead Short Story Anthology - [DISCUSSION & REVIEW]
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Old 06-08-2014, 01:25 PM   #243
Graham
Wizard
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Posts: 2,742
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: North Yorkshire, UK
Device: Kobo H20, Pixel 2, Samsung Chromebook Plus
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjaybe View Post
I've uploaded v1.2 of The Road to Dropbox. A bit of labor to get back into it.-)
Really good changes though, you've found some clever solutions.

The ending really worked for me this time, even though I've read this over and over again now. I got a real punch in the stomach and watery eyes. Much tighter and much more powerful.

I've got just one line edit comment:

Spoiler:
Some time later, maybe that day, maybe another week, she was staring at the TV without the energy to turn it on, when she heard her parents talking

I think this either needs a comma before 'without' or the one after 'on' removed.


Graham
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