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[ Blatently Obviously Non-Humorous Post ] (ps. beware of sarcasm)
According to articles assembled from a variety of tech sources and amalgamated through the AppyGeek App, it has been revealed that Kobo(Subsidiary of Rakuten(JAPAN)) will release three separate new e-ink reader models in time for this year's holiday season:
The Kobo Aura BVD -an all new take on ereaders specifically designed with the bathroom reader in mind. This new flexible wearable model will allow one to drop trous and read while staring at them ostensibly for the reader who simply must always have their ereader with them. It is rumored the new flexible under-readers will be available in a wide variety of colors and styles with a special Victoria's Secret line to debut once they figure out how to explain the concept of reading to their models...
The Kobo Glo Max -a radical departure from the regular Glo model, this unit will employ no built in lighting, but instead benefit from direct solar lighting directed from a series of high orbit solar reflector satellites Kobo will launch this summer. Kobo claims the satellites will be cheaper than maintaining quality control of the currently employed diffuser layer due to pin pricks, and promises there will be no dangers related to high energy reflected solar as the process will be carefully controlled by the high quality firmware implemented in the new devices. Kobo developers are currently debating multiple lighting settings from light to medium to lightly browned to lightly blackened to BROIL.
The Kobo Faux -finally through exhaustive media feedback partially generated through Google AdWords and research initiated at Sandia National Laboratories and finalized at several high level think tanks Kobo has designed the ultimate ereader for those who are too busy to read, can't be bothered to read, or merely cannot read but do not wish to be thought less of in modern society. This device while technically an ereader will, through special software, only display the cover page, table of contents, and "jacket commentary" of the "ebooks" purchased from sources such as the NY Times Bestsellers List so as to convey the sense that the owner is actually reading the latest and trendiest of publications.
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