[Graham]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

This is a complete story and, to me, it looks almost done. However, I have found a few things . . .-)

Spoiler:

"Smitty barreled into the conversation, giving me no time to respond."

- and then he does respond. Then I realized it's to something 'way back. It's correct, but with all the stuff in between, it's a bit of a stopper.

Interesting idea about the Krub combining to form another being. Told without disrupting the story, too.

Might not need the paragraph on the Krub smelling like pickled onions. It's not that bad, but is it required?

". . . photos I've got of Dad and I . . ." s/b "me . . ." I know. Grammar nerd.

I can see him deciding to stay, and maybe the Krub will decide he's "useful," like the Commander. But we might need something earlier that opens that possibility. I was under the impression that they had to go.

Jim

Thanks, Jim.

Useful stuff. I'll see what changes I can make.

Graham