[Graham]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

v1.4

You had me wondering what was going to happen right away. That's good.

What is it about cutting the girls' hair that would ruin their business?

Spoiler:

Marie was in a box? A medical treatment pod?

The ending happened a little suddenly. We had no hint that he could choose to stay. Better if he had decided to leave for all the right reasons, then the sudden epiphany.

Jim

I just reckoned they were dissing his hair-cutting technique...

Spoiler:

Yes, Marie was in some sort of life support unit. I saw it as a clear box that had a controlled atmosphere. I'll see if I can make it clearer without breaking the flow there too much.

Thanks for the comment on the ending. That was exactly one of the things that I was wondering about myself. I'm thinking that maybe I have to have him trying to convince himself more that there will be a place for him on Glason 3, then finally realising that there'll still be a place for him here.

I also need to straighten out in my own mind how he's feeling about leaving behind the memories of Marie and his father. Is he looking forward to finally letting these things go? Or is he aware that he'll lose something of himself when he leaves these things behind?

Thanks Jim. I'm just about to put my comments on "The Road by the River" up.

Graham