Vera's Itch, 1.2
Original story
As all the kinks have been worked out of it already, I'll post some more general comments. Most of them could come down to a matter of taste, though.
Spoiler:
"Her stomach wasn't the flat hard surface of a model,
but the gentle roundness of a real woman. And breasts proudly pushed out at the plunging neckline."
I'd put a comma behind 'woman', and make it into one sentence.
"But if the woman was in a hurry then he wasn't going to argue."
I'd change that to: "If the woman was in a hurry however, ..."
"He went to it and ran his hand over the varnished wood, this was seriously good stuff."
I'd split that up into two sentences, using a period after 'wood.'
"...so the old man moves in – it's his building after all..."
Is the change in tenses a conscious decision?
“It was a good itch this time, would you like to scratch it for me?"
I'd change this into two sentences again.
“Maybe later. I missed you, Coop.”
“I was only gone one night.”
...
She didn't need to finish. It had been a long time since their last physical contact.
But... he had been gone for only one night?
A dude that steals first nights. Original