Thread: MobileRead Short Story Anthology - [DISCUSSION & REVIEW]
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Old 03-14-2014, 07:42 AM   #157
Graham
Wizard
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Posts: 2,742
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: North Yorkshire, UK
Device: Kobo H20, Pixel 2, Samsung Chromebook Plus
Spoiler:
GMW: Not sure if you realise but ... in v1.0 I had the "... to close the door", in v1.1 I made that "... to close the apartment door" because I too thought it may have been unclear, then in v1.2 I went back to "... to close the door" to eliminate an excess "apartment" - as per your excellent suggestion. (Since she leads him "further into the apartment" a short time later, the location becomes clear, I hoped that would be enough.)

Yes, I saw that this was from the improvement made (I actually edited 'You've fixed the apartment issue, but' out of my comment as I didn't think it added anything!).

How about something like:

The lift stopped and the doors opened, and she pulled him gently out by his hand. There were only four apartments up here. Gavin followed her to the nearest.

He waited for her to close the door behind them and then he moved in and pushed her against the wall.


Graham
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