[Graham]

Originally Posted by gmw

I took most of them. Thanks very much, that was really helpful. I've posted v1.2 incorporating the changes.

Looks good to me.

Just a couple more edit comments:

Spoiler:

Gavin waited for her to close the door behind them

It's not instantly clear that we're not referring to the lift. (It's a period building, and not necessarily huge, like a hotel. It could have a manual lift door.) Perhaps add a reference to the specific one of the four apartments that she takes him to?

watched as the man settled himself at the other end of the long sofa

The apartment has been described as extravagant, with period furniture, so I'd expect there to be at least one armchair as well as the sofa. In this situation I think Gavin would find it odd and uncomfortable that the stranger chose to sit on the sofa with him, rather than slightly more removed on the armchair. You do want Coop to be this close, for the implied threat and the later action, but do you think Gavin should have an initial reaction at the imposition?

Graham