Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham
Hi gmw. Here's a pile of line edit comments. As always, take whichever make sense to you. 
[...]
Graham |
I took most of them. Thanks very much, that was really helpful. I've posted v1.2 incorporating the changes.
I started a thread here some time ago about the use of the word "lounge" (in this part of Australia the word is used as a synonym for sofa or couch), and totally missed that I had also done it in this story - so I've duly changed to "sofa" where necessary. That misuse may also explain why arjaybe thought someone had gone to the kitchen at one point.
The fact that I sometimes splice sentences comes from my deliberately trying to reduce my use of semi-colons. In the past, various beta readers have commented that they found them distracting, and I've seem similar comments here on MR. I had also found that I was sometimes using them unnecessarily anyway. Of course you can't just replace a semi-colon with a comma, but some still slip through. Sometimes it is possible to get away with it - sometimes a trailing or leading clause happily reads as just a clause even if it could also be construed as a complete sentence. And sometimes, as you and arjaybe pointed out, it jars.