[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by gmw

One minor thing that tripped me up on this second read:

Spoiler:

Annie backed across the kitchen floor - It wasn't clear we had made it into the kitchen, unless all the bedroom doors open onto the kitchen.

As a reader, I'm not a big fan of flash fiction. As a writer I can appreciate it, but can't seem to do it myself (or not so far). The reader in me would still like to see more meat on the story - in which case my earlier comments are mostly still applicable.

Spoiler:

I only said kitchen floor to help those readers who hadn't assumed that the mother would have naturally come in that way. Around here it's common for the informal entrance to let into the kitchen. I found that I had to have the reader know that it was the kitchen so the counter wouldn't be a surprise. And her little sister's bedroom could easily be down a hallway. We only hear that she 'wandered out.'

I didn't know it was called 'flash fiction' now. I learned of this style as a short-short story. I understand your desire for more meat on it. There are a lot of things that could survive more words. There's enough there that the story could be thousands of words longer. But as I've said, I want this story to be like a quick slash of a knife.

Thanks for your attention.

Jim