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gmw · 03-13-2014, 10:08 AM

The changes you've made since v1.0 are fairly subtle but effective, I think. Even just the smoothing out of that second paragraph has improved the readability of the early part. The confrontation scene seemed better this time, but I'm concerned this is partly because I knew what was coming (I've found this same trouble, you can only get someone's first impression once).

At just over a 1000 words this is what I think they refer to as flash fiction: a brief but complete story with much left unsaid - left to the reader's interpretation/imagination. Taken in that light, I think it works quite well.

One minor thing that tripped me up on this second read:

Spoiler:

As a reader, I'm not a big fan of flash fiction. As a writer I can appreciate it, but can't seem to do it myself (or not so far). The reader in me would still like to see more meat on the story - in which case my earlier comments are mostly still applicable.

03-13-2014, 10:08 AM	#143
gmw cacoethes scribendi Posts: 5,818 Karma: 137770742 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kobo Aura One & H2Ov2, Sony PRS-650	Annie the Dreamer v1.2 The changes you've made since v1.0 are fairly subtle but effective, I think. Even just the smoothing out of that second paragraph has improved the readability of the early part. The confrontation scene seemed better this time, but I'm concerned this is partly because I knew what was coming (I've found this same trouble, you can only get someone's first impression once). At just over a 1000 words this is what I think they refer to as flash fiction: a brief but complete story with much left unsaid - left to the reader's interpretation/imagination. Taken in that light, I think it works quite well. One minor thing that tripped me up on this second read: Spoiler: Annie backed across the kitchen floor - It wasn't clear we had made it into the kitchen, unless all the bedroom doors open onto the kitchen. As a reader, I'm not a big fan of flash fiction. As a writer I can appreciate it, but can't seem to do it myself (or not so far). The reader in me would still like to see more meat on the story - in which case my earlier comments are mostly still applicable.