[arjaybe]

v1.1

"His eyes were already looking down." You need this to set up the rising scan. You could set it up by having him looking down at his beer during the previous paragraph's ruminations.

I'm seeing quite a few sentences that should be two sentences, or need to be altered to make them work as one. It bothers me, but if it's an accepted style then I'll drop it.

Is the doorman's alcove inside?

Spoiler:

Having the cab right outside the door is good. We'll remember it at the end.

You cleared up the itch and physical presence well.

Has Vera taken Gavin's glass to the kitchen, then returned to pour drinks?

Where was Coop "Only gone for one night?"

Jim