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gmw · 03-12-2014, 09:05 AM

I'm writing this review without having read the earlier comments, I'd rather give you my initial reaction - and I'll post responses to other comments as a separate post.

First my reaction to this simply as a short fiction tale:

I enjoyed it. The first two page pages (to the first break) did have me wondering, because that felt stilted (and yet that effect is not entirely out of place considering the nature of the protagonists). But by the end of that section I was sort of intrigued about where it was going.

Spoiler:

I do feel as if the middle part of the story may need some smoothing over - I find it hard to give specific issues here, so I wonder if it just needs an editing pass (maybe reading it out to yourself). I'm not keen on the twin designations for the Mate/DEP and the Captain/DEP, I don't think it's really necessary.

Spoiler:

I liked the ending (the last two sections). It seemed to fit very well with the lead up.

My reaction as a science-fiction fan (I'm not really much of one any more, but I used to be) is less flattering.

Spoiler:

I think the story is a good length for what it contains. Not sure if that sounds odd, but too many science-fiction stories drag things out further than the central idea warrants, whereas I felt satisfied at the end of this one, that the end had justified journey.

03-12-2014, 09:05 AM	#123
gmw cacoethes scribendi Posts: 5,818 Karma: 137770742 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kobo Aura One & H2Ov2, Sony PRS-650	Planting the Flag - 1.0 I'm writing this review without having read the earlier comments, I'd rather give you my initial reaction - and I'll post responses to other comments as a separate post. First my reaction to this simply as a short fiction tale: I enjoyed it. The first two page pages (to the first break) did have me wondering, because that felt stilted (and yet that effect is not entirely out of place considering the nature of the protagonists). But by the end of that section I was sort of intrigued about where it was going. Spoiler: Although the title gives some of that away, I guess. I do feel as if the middle part of the story may need some smoothing over - I find it hard to give specific issues here, so I wonder if it just needs an editing pass (maybe reading it out to yourself). I'm not keen on the twin designations for the Mate/DEP and the Captain/DEP, I don't think it's really necessary. Spoiler: I'm inclined to think that Mate and Captain are suitable for the very humanoid ones, while AND-E is good for the geologist, I wasn't clear on what the Engineer had been. I liked the ending (the last two sections). It seemed to fit very well with the lead up. My reaction as a science-fiction fan (I'm not really much of one any more, but I used to be) is less flattering. Spoiler: Parts of it felt dated and/or mundane. There wasn't much there to feed my interest in any of the science aspect of this story. Of course the science of it all isn't really what the story is about, but the way it is presented early - with the protagonists being androids and all the formal designation stuff - makes it feel like it's going to be a specifically science-fiction tale. This leaves me thinking if you might get a better effect if you made the first few pages a little less formal and technical sounding. Make it more obvious to the reader that this isn't hard-core science fiction. I think the story is a good length for what it contains. Not sure if that sounds odd, but too many science-fiction stories drag things out further than the central idea warrants, whereas I felt satisfied at the end of this one, that the end had justified journey.