Thank goodness we have Graham. Now I can just read his critiques and toss in a couple of tidbits.
The relationship between Elani and Koryna is fine. I understand your portrayal of service and humility. I don't think you need conflict between them.
I can't comment on the fantasy and RPG connections.
When I read it I thought the "nearly avoided" was a typo for "neatly avoided." That's what you really meant, right?-)
Jim