With apologies to Marcus365:
How Did You Get To Be Such A Pain In The Buttocks?
How did you get to be such a pain in the buttocks?
When I first met you, I thought you rocked.
But I was wrong.
You’re like a bag of wet cement,
from your head right down to your hairy feet.
If you were a song, I would have to gong* you,
your words so doggone wrong,
I would leave my seat in utter defeat,
maybe walk the streets and pick out a beat
Tell me:
How did you get to be such a pain the buttocks?
When you first appeared, I thought you were weird,
With that little moustache and a multi-colored beard.
Your little loveable gap-teeth like an open airport.
So tell me, my large, lovable hirsute bird:
How did you get to be such a pain in the buttocks?
*A reference to the Gong Show from the 1970s, rather than to any violence perpetrated or focused upon any and/or all individuals who might actually be gonged.