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Old 01-29-2014, 11:42 AM   #4
Penforhire
Wizard
Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Penforhire ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 2,230
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Southern California
Device: Kindle Voyage & iPhone 7+
To me it flows better if you knock out some identifying information such as, all just IMO and very subjective --
"...the amulet men called the Heart of Rock..." to just "the Heart of Rock"
"...their enemies..." knock out to just say "...the Nightmares."
"...to save his kingdom." knock out entirely
"...for the gargoyles cannot..." knock out "the"
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