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My eleven year old is reading Ender's Game right now, and handling it just fine. I was reading from the adult section starting before that age. He's read other YA books that some people consider "not for kids", such as The Hunger Games, and again been fine. We talk through the themes and the violence. And he has, these days an exceptionally good grasp on the difference between fiction and reality. (To the point that he's rather hard to scare with horror films!)
I reckon in text-based books, with the odd exception, middle grade kids tend to pick up what they can handle, and put down what they can't. We manage what video he watches and videogames he plays and comic books he reads (quite liberally now, but there are limits), but we made a decision a while back that whatever novels he wanted to read, he pretty much could.
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