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the meta tags i included in my first reply were just a sample of how Apple currently requires listing some options. to get these tags to work i think you also need to include an Apple namespace in the header of the content.opf. in previous books, i've successfully used a meta tag in the opf to suppress the skeuomorphic bindings in ibooks.
if you're looking for fuller control over how the media player appears and functions, you may want to write your own trigger/controls in javascript. you could also probably find something that may meet your needs online, and you'd just drop it in there.
it will save you a lot of headache to read through the iBookstore Asset Guide. it'll give you a better sense of how to achieve your desired results, or how to work around reader limitations.
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