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I'm just going to answer the first question. The funniest thing I've ever read is still "Yes, But Can the Steam Engine Do This?" by Woody Allen. It's a short piece, originally published in The New Yorker, about the Earl of Sandwich's invention of the sandwich. When I read it in Reader's Digest as a teenager, I ran to the computer to type it up so I would have it forever. It was collected in Allen's book Getting Even.
I still laugh till I hurt just thinking about it.
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