[montsnmags]

Someone just sent me an email asking "D)o yo$u wkant ehnlarge your penips?"

Now, initially I was confused, but I've figured it out.

Firstly, this "Willa Guidry" fella is obviously a cylon. You can tell by this opening statement of "D)" (clearly a cylon smile).

He then starts with the respectful "o yo$u", being a translation of the Walt Whitman classic into an early Gojoseon dialect using a pre-Hangul alphabet's latin alphabet translation ("O yo$u. My yo$u", more literally translated as "O sea-faring pickler of radishes! My sea-faring pickler of radishes!", noting that the crossed "S" as "$" reflects this dialect's means of exclamation - giving a backbone to the first consonant-mark of the stressed foot in the final iamb). I like his immediate respect for my poetic intelligence - he doesn't assume I'm some web-toed, illiterate inbred from a little place in the vicinity of Nantucket.

Now, I know, you're asking why a cylon called Willa Guidry would be speaking to me in an extinct Korean dialect, and addressing me with allusions to the words of one of the finest American poets. Well, firstly, the cylons, being a cybernetic race, are naturally the finest cybernauticians in the known universe, and clearly this one has been trained in the ancient Korean battle-art-poet-mechanery known as Wkanta!, and secondly because the (translated) Walt Whitman poem warns of the transience of life, and the importance of striving for greater things until death, even if the striving becomes the cause of said death. He is asking me to take a risk...

...because we now have the pivotal phrase: "wkant ehnlarge". Now, I don't know about yours, but my wkant-engine has been running a little floogy lately (I don't think it's getting enough simmtulunt to sfitten to full ercretion), and it needs a complete overhaul. However, for the life of me, I can't find a complete wkanter to do it for me, and I'm sick of wkanting it myself. Thank heavens Willa has offered his services, and not only that, he's going to fit it with a wkant-ehnlarger, which will supercharge its output by I reckon at least 23 ehns (noting 4hp to every ehn).

You see where this is going? Sure, my wkant-engine's warranty might be void by doing so, but I am challenged to reject the theory that it cannot be ehnlarged by wkantery alone, that that theory has missed that a complete wkantery-overhaul that includes simultaneous simmtulantion of the penips valve will create a feedback loop that inevitably causes a self-feeding wkantery-ehnlargement process affecting all parts of the engine. Vwa-la! Better performance, bigger penips, customer satisfaction guaranteed!

I mean, you'd be crazy not to order some. I just now sent my $500 money order off to the Nigerian address he specified, and I can't wait until my guaranteed satisfaction arrives. I'm telling you this so that you can get in on the ground floor with me (if you become a member, you can earn up to $6,000/month from home in just 12 months, just by referring other people to Mister Guidry!).

Wkanta: turning sense into dollars and molehills into mountains, one inch at a time!. YOU BUY NOW!

Cheers, and wkant-you,
Wkanta Representative #246309231