Quote:
Originally Posted by eBookNerd
Dear Dr. [Bad] Advice,
It has come to my attention that Sony will be making an announcement on Oct 2nd regarding the digital reader. This pending announcement has left me with somewhat of a dilemma - do I need to begin planning the unfortunate demise of my current Shiny Silver Sony reader? I've often contemplated the "accidental" death of one shiny object when faced with the decision of obtaining yet a new one.
This "accident" must be carefully timed - I mean, what if Sony's announcement sucks and all they're going to do is offer a teal colored leather reader cover? Also, the current Shiny Silver Sony reader has given me almost of year of reading pleasure and I wouldn't want it to suffer needlessly....so much to think about.
In reading other threads on MR (a veritable plethora of information on killing outdated shiny things), I have come up with the following potential accidental, yet lethal methods;
1. Dropping the shiny thing from the roof of a Volvo
2. A misplaced knee to the oh-so-fragile screen (a technique recently employed by none other than our own Alec)
3. A leaky ziploc baggie in the hot tub
4. The new puppy - oh dear, I did want it to be painless for the shiny thing and after witnessing the brutal slaying of one of my favorite Birkenstock sandals (have you ever tried placing an order for just one shoe - very frustrating), I shudder to think of what the shiny thing would endure.
But I digress....Dear Doctor, please let me know your thoughts on this matter as soon as possible as I must begin the methodical planning that goes with arranging an accident for any outdated shiny thing.
Respectfully yours.
Darkly Dreaming EbookNerd
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Respectfully yours.
Darkly Dreaming EbookNerd
Dear Darkly Dreaming EbookNerd:
This is indeed a problem with the Sony units: They just will
NOT stop working!
My following answer is only for adults - 16 -and 24-year olds must do this
ONLY with the supervision and in the presence of an adult!
I cannot emphasize this strongly enough.
First, while drinking your favorite beverage, accidentally spill about 3 liters onto the device. Make certain the beverage is NOT hot and that you are NOT sitting down. You don’t want to scald anything delicate….if you get my drift.
Second, while attempting to dry the unit from your 15th floor balcony, accidentally drop the unit.
CAUTION: Make certain that no living person is directly below you.
Third, while rushing down to ground level to retrieve your device, accidentally drop it in the street in front of an onrushing (or speeding) bus – filled, preferably with 16 year-old students – as you dash madly across the street.
CAUTION: You must be limber of limb as you dodge the speeding vehicles in your path.
Fourth, give the unit to a 24 year-old computer nerd (try this site, for example). Tell him your problem, as you hand your ebook reader to him. He will not understand you, of course, since you’ll be speaking English. However, since communication is not a forte of a 24 year-old nerd, a simple nod here and there as he explains to you in his computer-geek language will suffice for him to understand you. You must, however, give the unit to him quickly and leave, as these 24 year-olds only travel in packs, or soon you will be surrounded by a coterie of gabbling geek-nerds as they speak their special language of non-communication. (Their language is Informational.)
Fifth, when the computer geek-nerds call you back after about 3 weeks to pick up your Reader, be prepared to accept that it will
NOT be fixed. (Remember, this is part of your strategy.) The unit
WILL be fixed, in one sense, but you must try to understand that
computer geek-nerds love to introduce a whole new host of other problems.
Sixth, at this point you will have a completely bricked Ebook Reader, courtesy of a gaggle of geek-speaking 24 year-old nerds. NOW, simply call Sony and tell them your unit is defective. You will be presented with
Pseudo-Geeks (these are geeks who make money.) They are slightly higher up on the pecking scale. Ignore them and tell them you want to return your unit for credit - immediately.
Remember, Dr. Bad Advice is happy to help anyone with a legimate problem. Your problem is truly legitimate, even if you aren’t. (Hahahaha, Dr. Bad Advice sometimes likes to make jokes.)
Signed,
Dr. Bad Advice