Quote:
Originally Posted by caleb72
That was it? I assumed it was an issue with the word itself as I've definitely seen objections to that in the past.
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I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. Some are more easily insulted than others and that is just the way it is. Personally I am not generally offended by "lady" but I've certainly heard it used in a manner to "set aside" a woman. For example, in talking about someone on a project, "So and so in in charge. She's a lady/woman." And you're left thinking...so?? Because her gender shouldn't mean diddly. It's like saying, "So and so is in charge, and he's fat." SO WHAT? It's unnecessary baggage.
In the instances of "she's a female engineer" it's again a "So?" Because it shouldn't matter if she is or not. But sometimes guys feel it necessary to point that out -- almost in warning.
The whole "Girl" and "Girlie" thing is often done as a not-so-subtle putdown.
As for ma'am it could depend on where you live. In the south it's fairly common. I noticed it as soon as I moved here and I was 21 at the time. All of a sudden, it was "yes'm or yes ma'am" by a lot of people. It's less common now, but you still hear it. If they are trying to insult me, it's over my head.
I'm actually more offended by guys who unthinkingly do things like ask questions but ONLY EXPECT HUSBAND TO KNOW THE ANSWER. "Do you guys work in the financial sector and know anything about stocks?" And then naturally assume that it is my husband AND only my husband who knows what a stock is and how to trade it. (We both worked in the industry for a few years) At least 4 guys in our neighborhood have asked that type of question with both of us standing there. I've answered "Yes, we worked in the industry" --and then--TO A MAN--they turned to my husband and asked him their stock question. "Really? Hey, if you have time I'd like to get together with you and pick your brain." OR "What do you think of this market?" And I kid you not--they are looking right at him with me standing there as if I suddenly don't exist. I am no longer in the conversation at all. Completely nullified, completely left out and completely ASSUMED that he has all the knowledge and I'm just there to hold the sidewalk down. On at least two occasions the men invited him over to chat and expressly left me out WITH ME STANDING THERE. Not, "I'd like to have you guys over" but "Hey sometime when you're not busy, do you think you could come over..."
I have no issue with the fact that they may be more comfortable talking with a guy about financial circumstances, but I do have issue with the sudden manner of rudely ignoring me and the express possibility that I might still be able to contribute to the conversation. It's ASSUMED that I am 1. not interested and 2. don't have a clue about the topic.
It isn't just men who do it either. My other neighbor (a woman) has asked my husband for computer help multiple times--and I mean frequently. Most of the time I could just as easily help. Her issues are not that difficult; a lot of people would have the knowledge to get her out of her normal messes. But it has never ONCE occurred to her to ask me. And both my husband and I worked in the computer industry for years (granted, husband has more years in that industry than I do. I spent half of it in technical writing and he spent all of it in engineering.) The neighbor KNOWS I worked at Dell. It has never occurred to her that I might have the answers.
"Sexism" and assumptions are a two-way street. We women do it to other women.