Quote:
Originally Posted by radioflyertoo
Dear Mr Bad Advice,
As a Hog Rider I recently read, based on recommendation in your column, The Alien Ravishment of Roselyn. As you may not know there is this Fog that keeps following me around and now hands keep trying to pull me into that interdilusional space. Was this caused by the book?
Sincerely
Hog Rider
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Dear Hog Rider:
Not at all! You’re ebook is safe as long as you don’t leave it in a public bathroom.
Your problem is actually caused by what I call an “Inter-Dilusional Synapse Prolapse,” a condition popularly known as “Fallen Arches on The Half-Shell.” (If this seems abstruse, it’s meant to be.)
About those Aliens:
When one thinks about Lust, is it so unusual that Aliens, too, would feel lust in their hearts and in other places? (I ask this question rhetorically, so that I will receive no answer from you.)
Nevetheless:
As you ride around on your pig (you live in the country, I presume, where I understand strange mating rituals still prevail), the squeals of the animal – being of a register considerably higher than human screams – act as an aphrodisiac to the Aliens, whose physiology is markedly different than our own.
I would conclude by saying that differences must be embraced, but I’m afraid you’ll have to wait in line.
P.S.: I’m sorry to hear that your pig is missing.
Signed,
Dr. Bad Advice