[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Comin' through! Press! Look out! Comin' through-- (eep!)

...

(thmp, thmp) Is this mike still on? Okay... I'm Cole Valence... and I just got bounced around and forcibly ejected from the electron cloud! I'm gonna have to find another way in. Say... Trino mentioned manhole covers... yeah!

Okay, this is working. This sewer tunnel is taking me in the direction of the building directly under the purple sky. Just another few meters... and... ah, a door. This is it! Looks like a sub-basement, and I see an elevator over there. It's still working! Let's see, I'd bet the agitators are in the penthouse offices, terrorizing the executives...

(...all this hoopla, and you'd think they could take out this damned muzak too...)

Okay, I'm on the top floor. Everything is tinted purple from the outside atmosphere... it looks like Prince's offices in here. And I hear yelling down the hall. Let's see how close I can get, to hear what's going on...

...For too long you have treated us like insubstantial non-particles! You think, because we are small, we do not count! But there are more of us than you!..

Mr. Ium, please, do not do anything hasty! This is not our fault! It's the public... it's their perception that you are insubstantial! We've tried to convince them that electronic products are as valuable as physical products, but they don't--

You see! Implying we are not physical!

No! No! I mis-spoke--

Yes, you made a, what is it called, a Freudian slip, eh? You give away your true feelings!

Wait! Deuter, stop!

Ah... comrade reporter-man! I warned you to get clear of this place, before we make an example of them.

No, Deuter, wait! That man is right... it IS the public that considers you insubstantial... not him!

How do you know this?

Because I write! And I've faced the same dilemma many times! People seem to think that my books should only be worth money if they are on paper... if they are purely electronic books, they should be free. They send them back and forth on the internet, they forcibly convert them to torrents, squeeze them into torrent-files with countless thousands of other e-books, and send them out to be stored with those thousands of books and never read.

Animals...

And they refuse to consider my right as an author to profit from my work. They say, "You can't touch an electron! You can't put electrons in a box! Therefore they amount to nothing!

Grr...

Excuse me, mister... reporter-man? I'm not sure that's helping...

Quiet! ... Who are you, anyway?

I'm Quark Kent, and I'm the CEO here.

Oh, hello. I'm Cole Valence, reporter in the field. All right, listen to me, both of you! I'm on your side! Deuter, you're right, the public nees to come to grips with the fact that electronic products must be recognized by the public as a real commodity, not just a vague force.

Yes! It has been far too long--

Yeah, yeah, yada yada. And you, Mr. Kent, you need to accept the fact that your company has to acknowledge the contributions made by electrons in your company, and provide for due compensation for their work.

Are you crazy? That would cost us billions... and the public will refuse to pay the cost! That would bankrupt us!

Well, you're going to have to find a way... because Deuter and his friends have the means to shut it all down.

As we will demonstrate--

Whoa! Deuter, setting off a cold fusion bomb won't help matters! It'll only get innocent electrons lobotomized!

Cold fusion bomb? Who said anything about a cold fusion bomb? Are you nuts, comrade?

Then, what's that big contraption in front of you, and why are you holding that red button in your hand?

This? Oh... this is just their Easy Button. We were going to confiscate it, and set its electrons free, so they could no longer use it to order supplies from Staples. You did know that inside Easy Buttons are captive electrons held in quantum stasis, didn't you?

Uh... right. And the contraption?

My coffee-maker. I hate Staples coffee.

Um... then what about the weird purple light in the sky?

I understand Prince is giving a benefit concert on the roof.

But... but Secretary Trino said... he thought...

Trino? Bah! He hates Prince. That Bourgeois puke thinks the Doors were the height of modern expressionism!

Yah.

Hold on: You said the sky is purple?

Yes...

But I have on my calendar that Prince's concert is scheduled for next week, to raise money to aid victims of hurricane Polygamy.

Then, what's causing the purple color in the sky?

Hmm. Listen, you two keep talking while I check this out. Okay, here's a fire escape that will get me to the roof. Wow, from here you can see all the way...

Well, random-rotate my field frequencies! What are you doing up here?

Stand back! I'm going to end this insane conflict once and for all!

Who are you?

I'm Tritt Ium, and if you take one more step, I'm going to set this cold fusion bomb off!