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LazyScot · 09-04-2008, 04:19 PM

Now where was I… Oh yes. Avatars and The Collection.

Another of MoM's authors is Charlie Stross (I wonder if he's got a warning word in his blog to show he's gotten on the wrong side of MoM. Hmmm.). His main MoM work involves his laundry novels, such as the free Down on the Farm (though I'm very worried about Halting State…). Now, the thing is that the Laundry actually exists, but it's called The Collection. And it's not mathematics that are used to invoke creatures that eat holes in your mind and take over your body. It's graphics (and, I'm pretty certain, music). And that is why the artists and musicians end up in The Collection and not MoM.

Put simply his Laundry Novels say that if you do the wrong sort of mathematics, then extreme badnesses will happen, your brains will leak out of your ears (if you are lucky), and you will be taken over by the Great Old Ones. The truth is that if you draw the wrong graphics (or music), then extreme badnesses will happen and your brains will leak out of your ears (if you are lucky) , and you will be taken over by the Great Old Ones. Have you never wondered why so many artists and musicians go mad or die young? That's why. Essentially, the pictures or sounds open up pathways in the mind that allow it to be taken over – hacked if you like (sound familiar – well both Ken and Charles talk about it in other books – see how well MoM works?). Ever felt yourself gaze at a picture and go momentarily blank – well that's how it starts.

It wasn't too bad until computers came along – the peculiarities of the pictures needed to hack into the brain seem exceptionally hard to do except on a computer (so generally photos of the real world are fine). There were a few artists in about 1000AD who got it just right – their work ended up in the possession of a now-unknown aristocrat. Actually his "collection" was as a threat (kept strangely enough, in Room 7) and it is this that The Collection can trace its roots back to.

Where was I? Oh Yes…

Real problem today is that silly spinning lines of just the right colour (and other annoying animated GIFs and MNGs can cause problems, as can certain smooth patterns (don't worry, I'm told the Collection got the Queen's early avatars in time). Fortunately a few pixels altered break the patterns, and so various bits of code are hidden in compression algorithms and filtering software to provide a degree of protection. Ever wondered just why you get such a long lag on some LCD monitors – they're the ones with the best protection schemes. And as soon as the chips for the monitors get faster, MoM and DoC have to provide more complicated algorithms for the newly discovered optical hacks. So the monitors never get any faster.

However every so often something new comes along and isn't picked up. So every picture gets scavenged and sent off to The Collection who check it out, and if necessary update all sorts of bits of software. (I bet you thought Microsoft had buggy software because they were bad. Well, okay, maybe; but it does also provide a handy route in to update the software filters on a lot of computers when a new visual brain hack is discovered.)

Actually The Collection also turns a very embarrassing profit. You see to maintain their cover they also provide a lot of graphics and design consultancy (which also helps to ensure nothing accidentally appears one morning on every advertising hoarding in the land causing everybody to do something really stupid like buy some item of rubbish or vote an idiot into power – trust me, it has happened). And The Collection are very good at graphics and design; they're always in demand. Rumour has it that once or twice, for very good causes, they have allowed very minor brain-hacking to get into the adverts. At least that's the only explanation I have for the teletubbies craze.

Where was I? Oh yes….

Now the trouble is that some of you are just too creative. A little bit of bad luck and you could unleash an avatar that would rot the brains of everyone and let "beings of exceptional nastiness" into the forum (and I'm talking about something far worse than a bunch of script-powered trolls from the planet Zog stealing all of Zelda's capital letters). Now that would really spoil the Green Ones day. Have you any idea how hard it is to clear up and eliminate a bad picture once it's on the web?

See --- all about Avatars. On topic!

Now, I don't suppose you would be willing to slow down slight on the Avatar usage?

<Looks round at a large collection of avatars that aren't here and are studiously ignoring him.>

Hmmm.. Thought not. Well, just keep looking at MySpace then.

09-04-2008, 04:19 PM	#1279
LazyScot DSil Posts: 3,201 Karma: 6895096 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Hants, UK Device: Kindle, Cybook	Now where was I… Oh yes. Avatars and The Collection. Another of MoM's authors is Charlie Stross (I wonder if he's got a warning word in his blog to show he's gotten on the wrong side of MoM. Hmmm.). His main MoM work involves his laundry novels, such as the free Down on the Farm (though I'm very worried about Halting State…). Now, the thing is that the Laundry actually exists, but it's called The Collection. And it's not mathematics that are used to invoke creatures that eat holes in your mind and take over your body. It's graphics (and, I'm pretty certain, music). And that is why the artists and musicians end up in The Collection and not MoM. Put simply his Laundry Novels say that if you do the wrong sort of mathematics, then extreme badnesses will happen, your brains will leak out of your ears (if you are lucky), and you will be taken over by the Great Old Ones. The truth is that if you draw the wrong graphics (or music), then extreme badnesses will happen and your brains will leak out of your ears (if you are lucky) , and you will be taken over by the Great Old Ones. Have you never wondered why so many artists and musicians go mad or die young? That's why. Essentially, the pictures or sounds open up pathways in the mind that allow it to be taken over – hacked if you like (sound familiar – well both Ken and Charles talk about it in other books – see how well MoM works?). Ever felt yourself gaze at a picture and go momentarily blank – well that's how it starts. It wasn't too bad until computers came along – the peculiarities of the pictures needed to hack into the brain seem exceptionally hard to do except on a computer (so generally photos of the real world are fine). There were a few artists in about 1000AD who got it just right – their work ended up in the possession of a now-unknown aristocrat. Actually his "collection" was as a threat (kept strangely enough, in Room 7) and it is this that The Collection can trace its roots back to. Where was I? Oh Yes… Real problem today is that silly spinning lines of just the right colour (and other annoying animated GIFs and MNGs can cause problems, as can certain smooth patterns (don't worry, I'm told the Collection got the Queen's early avatars in time). Fortunately a few pixels altered break the patterns, and so various bits of code are hidden in compression algorithms and filtering software to provide a degree of protection. Ever wondered just why you get such a long lag on some LCD monitors – they're the ones with the best protection schemes. And as soon as the chips for the monitors get faster, MoM and DoC have to provide more complicated algorithms for the newly discovered optical hacks. So the monitors never get any faster. However every so often something new comes along and isn't picked up. So every picture gets scavenged and sent off to The Collection who check it out, and if necessary update all sorts of bits of software. (I bet you thought Microsoft had buggy software because they were bad. Well, okay, maybe; but it does also provide a handy route in to update the software filters on a lot of computers when a new visual brain hack is discovered.) Actually The Collection also turns a very embarrassing profit. You see to maintain their cover they also provide a lot of graphics and design consultancy (which also helps to ensure nothing accidentally appears one morning on every advertising hoarding in the land causing everybody to do something really stupid like buy some item of rubbish or vote an idiot into power – trust me, it has happened). And The Collection are very good at graphics and design; they're always in demand. Rumour has it that once or twice, for very good causes, they have allowed very minor brain-hacking to get into the adverts. At least that's the only explanation I have for the teletubbies craze. Where was I? Oh yes…. Now the trouble is that some of you are just too creative. A little bit of bad luck and you could unleash an avatar that would rot the brains of everyone and let "beings of exceptional nastiness" into the forum (and I'm talking about something far worse than a bunch of script-powered trolls from the planet Zog stealing all of Zelda's capital letters). Now that would really spoil the Green Ones day. Have you any idea how hard it is to clear up and eliminate a bad picture once it's on the web? See --- all about Avatars. On topic! Now, I don't suppose you would be willing to slow down slight on the Avatar usage? <Looks round at a large collection of avatars that aren't here and are studiously ignoring him.> Hmmm.. Thought not. Well, just keep looking at MySpace then.