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Old 02-05-2013, 08:55 AM   #23475
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Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Is it possible for the two of you to make a trial run? Spend a week there and see how it feels. Another consideration is how your parents will feel after a few months. You will be house guests for a long time, and you know the old saying about house guests and fish...

When I separated from my first wife I moved back into my old bedroom in my parents place. They had no objection to my being there, but after having the house to themselves for three years it certainly made a difference in their daily routines.

My parents have 4 kids, 2 of them still live at home. So they've never had the house to themselves. My youngest sister is still in school and will be for another couple of years. We'll be gone again before she is. So I don't think that's a big issue.

A trial run is difficult. They are renovating all the bedrooms right now. One free bedroom will become the library this week, my old bedroom is a storage room at the moment. If we decide to move in, they will renovate my room as well. But right now there's no way they can put a bed in there, and I think they don't even have any spare beds.

Originally Posted by pdurrant View Post
Iced water (well, water that used to have ice in it) in my cup.

I'll offer up my own little experience of moving back in with parents. We were moving to be nearer my parents, with two children (6 and 3) and one on the way. We intended staying for just six weeks over the summer, but our house purchase fell through, and we ended up staying for six months. It actually was a very pleasant time, for all of us I think.

It all depends on whether any party has unrealistic expectations.
I've been hearing this quite a lot ...

Originally Posted by VydorScope View Post
I am with Stichawl on this one. Sure its a great momentary gain, but emotionally I think it could potentially be extremely costly. I would advise against it.

If you do it, as other said, you need a time table and clear agreement of boundaries up front. And by clear, I mean written out and agreed upon.

Brewing me up some Black Silk in my travel mug...
... but this as well. I just don't know how we can predict this emotional cost. Right now I just feel we have to move in to know how everyone will react to the new living arrangements. And then just keep a close eye on everyone's mood and interactions.
One thing we did talk about already is spending a weekend away from home every other month. Just to have some quality time with just the two of us. And to minimize the stress building a house will bring along.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash View Post
It is a very generous offer and the savings are massive.

How long have you lived indpedently? I am sure your parents will be fine with your coming and going but you are going to have to be more careful with when you come home and checking in so you don't wake them up or worry them.
For about 4 years. It will definitely take time getting used to checking in again. But we don't really go out that much. Usually when we're away at night, we are at a friend's house. And those 'meetings' are usually planned weeks before, because we all have busy schedules.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash View Post
Saving money on rent is balanced not only with smaller living quarters and family, Mom, Dad, and brother, but a longer commute. You already don't like the commute you have now. Is an increase going to be worth the money saved? It is not only additional time away from your boyfriend and the things you like to do but now it is additional time you cannot spend working on the new house or time you need to rest and relax.
I would probably work from home a lot more. My employer is going to promote working at home most days in the immediate future anyway. Good timing It'll take an extra 30 minutes to get to work, and an extra 30 minutes to get home. It's a lot, but I can live with it. Especially since my mom's car is available every day (she can't drive anymore because she has major balance-issues), so I can take the car to the train station. Or even to work.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash View Post
And there are cats to think about. Can you introduce your cat to your parents and see if they get along? You adopted the little one and made it a part of your family. If he is going to be unhappy for a minimum of two years is it worth the stress to him?
My parents have met my cats, and they get along fine. The question is if they will get along with my parent's cat. We do worry about Oni. She's so shy and scared so easily. If the cats really don't get along, we'd move out again. It could also be a positive thing for them. Once we start building, we'll never be home. So if we live with my parents, they still get attention even though we're not there.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash View Post
And you are going to end up doing more around the house and probably paying some of the utilities. You know that you are likely to feel like a freeloader if you don't.

If it were me, I would say thanks but no thanks. My Hubby would go nuts, he likes having his own space. I would have said thanks but no thanks before I was married as well. I love my parents and have a great relationship with them but I value my independence. Toss in the additional commute and I would really say no thanks. I changed companies to avoid adding 20 minutes onto my commute. I value being close to work so that I have more time with my family and for sleep.
Doing things around the house? Definitely. I love cooking, there's no way I won't cook for two years. I'll probably drive my mom around, and take her grocery shopping. Paying for utilities? Probably not. We'd probably buy them dinner every now and then. Give them a little present.

The one thing I keep thinking is: it's only temporary. Yes, it will be difficult at times, but we know at all times that it won't be forever. And if it means we can save enough money to finish our house instead of having to save money after we've moved in to finish everything ... Maybe that is worth it.

Wow, I deserve a cup of cappuccino after such a long post! Getting a refill right now
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