It is with regret that I must announce that, due to an oversight, my chocolate production of the last few days was placed in the hands of an highly paid well to do apprentice (I shall be having stern words with the agency).
(he is no longer after this fiasco, I can humbly assure you, he is now out of harms way as the Chief Mopperupperer of the Minnycats).
An excess of melange was inserted into the recipe at the in-correct juncture of time. This forced an unusual time-dilation in the far reaches of the furthest galaxy known to man, panda, llama and that 'blue thing over there'.
By sheer luck and no judgement whatsoever we managed to contain the potential explosion into the shape, body and mind of an aardvark (which we had spare, seeing that no-one else wanted it!).
The after-effects you have been experiencing are thus illusionary, on a par with a "Bobby Ewings dream in a shower" episode of an earth-television show of some decades ago. (the one with big ten gallon hats covering a multitude of bad acting talents).
I must humbly apologise for any inconvenience
(white lie) caused by this unfortunate event, and can humbly inform that it shall not happen ever again.
It has all been a dream, painful for some, enormously humourful for others; I am sure that if anyone has been unduely affected by the experience; that a certain gentleman with the necessary qualifications can come to the aid of the party;
it appears that he has reduced his rates, to the laddy at the door, to a bale of lucerne....
for your understanding at this time...